I grew up without a father in the house ,but my mom did her best to fill the gap.Often times I found myself alone trying to watch my brother and stay out of trouble .There was no father figure around just an endless line of losers trying to get with my mom.
By the time I got to high school we had moved all over the place and my mother had so many jobs .I had no foundation to speak of and it seemed like I was just confused all the time to what life was all about.During this time we became homeless and sleeping in a park.It was a very scary and depressing time for me and my family.We wound up at a Salvation Army and then a homeless shelter were I met pastor.
I had always believed in God but this man introduced me to Jesus in a more personal way and explained to me why I need Him in my life.I went to church and saw grown men crying and people coming to faith, it was all so new and strange .I accepted the Lord as my savior ,but the pastor that had helped me had to move on from the shelter so my support in my new faith was gone.
Wasn't long before I was back to what I was doing and the life I had before I knew Jesus.Most of my young adult life was spent chasing the void in my heart and trying to fill it.I would be at parties with a group of my friends but feel so alone and asking myself what was I doing there.I started to wonder what was the meaning of my life.Why did I wake up everyday and go to work and why did I want the house with the white fence and the kids and a wife.What was the purpose for all that and why did I want that.
It's funny how God works because at this time I started to find gospel tracks in the strangest places so I would pick them up and hide them in my pocket so people won't see what I was doing.When I got to read them my heart was so full of guilt and pain for the garbage I was doing.The Lord was trying to reach me and He had my attention ,but then I walked away again like a fool.
I was living with a girl and knew in my heart I was wrong for doing it,but God let me chase after my sin so I could learn .As it happened there was a christian living next door to us and he didn't even have to say much to convict me of what I was doing.Well every thing came crashing down and the relationship ended ,I was crushed and had no answer for the pain I was in.I was crying out in my heart that I need God and wanted someone to take me to church but I wouldn't go on my own.
Once again God sent me help in the form of an old friend who was now a christian.I said to myself if someone asked me to go to church I would go.This old friend came to my work without knowing I worked there and asked me if I would go to church with them( I have to praise God right here for His help because He was still pursuing me even after all the running I had done).Well needless to say I went and was happy to do it.
I was attending services for a few months ,but something was still missing .I went to church one night and Greg said something he had never said before .He said " if you had known the Lord before but have fallen away and need to recommit your life to God then come forward". I was shocked because I knew what was missing was for me to rededicate my life.After going down and praying the sinners prayer I told my christian friends what I had done.The person that had taken me in the first place told me that they had a dream about me but would not say what it was until it happened.After I had explain what had happened to me they said that the dream was about me going forward .They had never said anything about me needing to rededicating my life so it was just confirmation .
I have never looked back about following Christ and God has blessed me in so many ways.I have done so many foolish things even as a believer ,but God's love remains with me.When ever I start to go down that wrong path He has always been there to say "hey turn around and follow the path I've laid for you".I make mistakes and I say he wrong things a lot ,but His love has never failed me and His words comfort and instruct me.I don't have a perfect life ,but life on this side isn't perfect.
What I do have is a beautiful family that I love and will do anything for.Peace in my heart from all the wrong that I have done and I know God is standing there watching me as a loving Father watches His little one take steps to grow and lovingly guiding me.I also have a peace about where I'll be when I die.
My story may not be like yours but then again it might.The difference is I'm at peace in my heart and wake each day knowing why I'm alive and what my purpose is.My goal is to know Him and make Him known.If you are running from God like I was why don't you stop and give Him your life so He can turn you around and take your pain away you woke regret it.
